Abused Child Running Out of Black Crayon

The Onion

For those that don’t know, I now work for the incredible Chicago Children’s Advocacy Center, which in no way makes it ok that I find this funny.

Tough times call for Walgreens beer.

Chicago Tribune:

The Deerfield-based drugstore chain has quietly rolled out a private-label brew called Big Flats 1901, which is in more than 4,600 of the chain’s 7,655 U.S. locations. Walgreens has been stocking Chicago-area stores as alcohol licenses are approved.

If the name isn’t enough to tempt you, the price might be: about 50 cents per can. Prices will vary by market, and the beer will be available in states where private-label alcohol is legal.

Where’s Timberlake’s Oscar Nom?

The Oscar nominations have been announced and it is by and large a respectable list.  Three glaring exceptions, aside.

SNUB 1 - Best Supporting Actor
SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED: Justin Timberlake (The Social Network)
WHO HE SHOULD HAVE BEAT: Jeremy Renner (The Town), Mark Ruffalo (The Kids are All Right)

Why is no one talking about this?  Timberlake’s turn as Sean Parker was something to behold.  Pitch perfect casting gave Timberlake’s Parker the star power to the film audience that the character had for the film’s protagonists.  Add on top of that a gleefully ugly performance that is as infatuating as it is irritating and disturbing, and you have a portrayal that demands at least a nomination.

SNUB 2 - Achievement in Directing
SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED: Christopher Nolan (Inception)
WHO HE SHOULD HAVE BEAT: Darren Aronofsky (Black Swan), Joel and Ethan Coen (True Grit)

Why Nolan deserves this nomination is less important that why Aronofsky and the Coens do not.  Black Swan is a wonderful movie, made great by its fantastic performances and a story that mixes real and unreal in a fascinating way.  But, it is also a movie filled with horror cliches, jump scares, and visual effects showing at the seams.  True Grit, however, is just not that great of a movie.  It’s direction is simple and un-daring, the story and characters are unremarkable and its filming seemed to be little more than a point-and-shoot affair. 

Neither of these movies represent the true genius of their directors, and are far from the pinnacle of any of their careers.  To let a triumph of visual splendor that uses practical effects to such a brilliant effect lose out to two rather basic genre films is a real shame.  Nolan has become a master-class director, and yet we ignore this moment to make up for missed nominations of the past.

SNUB 3 - Achievement in Film Editing
SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED: Lee Smith (Inception)
WHO IT SHOULD HAVE BEAT: Pamela Martin (The Fighter)

To be honest, I feel bad singling out The Fighter here, because Inception should have beaten out every film on the board in this category.  Few films, if any, have achieved what Inception has in the way of balancing simultaneous action, translating abstract thought into drama, and keeping a hold on its audience the whole way.  This is a slap in the face.  As far as The Fighter goes, there is absolutely nothing remarkable about the way it’s strung together.

May I be the first to welcome our new Information Overlords

Huffington Post: FCC Approves Comcast-NBC Merger.

Also this. (why we should be afraid.)

In response to one specific (but really all in general) harsh critique of Ricky Gervais’s hosting of 2011’s Golden Globes ceremony

Specifically:

Golden Globes—Host Ricky Gervais was just too nasty.
The host pulled no punches, but he should have knocked himself out.

Sure there were some low blows and some duds in Ricky’s second run hosting the Globes, but compare this wonderful bit of on-target comedy to the mailed-in snooze-fest of Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin at the Oscars last year.  This was in a class of its own, yet the reaction is so negative from the press and home audience alike.  The television critic at the LA Times went so far as to call Gervais “mean-spirited,” “snotty,” “abusive,” and “a bully.”

Many of the same attacks could apply Stephen Colbert’s wonderful turn at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner at the expense of President Bush.  And while his audience was just as cold to the humor as Ricky’s, most sane people agree that Colbert’s nastiness was justified by the message he was trying to deliver.  He was just lucky enough to be in the perfect position to make those kinds of statements to the President’s face, and gutsy enough to go through with it.

Lets look at some of the topics of Gervais’s attacks at last night’s ceremony: bribery in the awards business, nominating horrible movies for recognition (The Tourist), good movies getting no love (I Love You Phillip Morris), antisemitism from a Hollywood icon, and Scientology.  Why are these topics off-limits?  I think that a lot of them deserve to be in the public conversation.  Most people just don’t have the gall to bring them up.

And yes, comedy is subjective, but does the LA Times TV critic really need to make petulant cracks at Ricky’s poor box office success in her recap of the evening? 

Were his stabs on Mel Gibson stabs on all of us? 

I can understand completely why Tim Allen and Tom Hanks might respond the way they did, and why the Hollywood audience might want to take some swings back at Gervais, but why an American public was so personally hurt by this,  I do not know.

We seem quick to forgive our celebrities for their offenses, and not just those of the Hollywood variety.  Whether it’s Michael Vic’s return to the spotlight as a sports hero or former Illinois Governor George Ryan being let out of prison to visit his dying wife, we never seem to care about all the normal folk not getting this special treatment.

Must we really run to the defense of Mel Gibson and Charlie Sheen for jokes made at their expense?  Even bad ones?  I don’t think so.  And while I admit that these awards ceremonies should be a time to honor the entertainment world, it shouldn’t be so neutered as to sound like a group therapy session.

Hasn’t anyone seen a Dean Martin roast?

Days that are otherwise indistinguishable are marked by globs of yellow Neutrogena face wash—once out with the shampoo and shower soaps now stolen from my girlfriend’s medicine cabinet, a passive suggestion of I can’t afford for you to use this—and uninvested self staring, rinsing, and drying.